Essay 10

I reread the instructions for the essay 10 and realized it didn’t have to be about dirt, it could be about something dirty and disgusting.  Immediately, I thought of my dog.  Now PJ is a very nice dog.  She is part Labrador and part Newfoundland, at least the vet agrees with me that she probably is.  She is 15 years old and won’t live forever.  She is a patient dog who demands little attention.  But some of her care and upkeep are dirty and disgusting, as you will see.

PJ and I have some of the same ailments that plague people as we get older.  Whereas I am resigned to the fact that I have to take various pills and potions to maintain my health, PJ must be cajoled and coaxed.  She doesn’t take her pills willingly and I no longer want to fight with her.  Luckily, I found a nifty little product called “Pill Pockets”.  You put the pill in a tasty (to a dog) morsel and give it to the dog.  “Pill Pockets” come in different flavors.  She doesn’t like the chicken but likes the beef.  I went to the pet store to get her some pockets and all they had was chicken and duck.  Well, maybe she’ll like duck, I thought.  So I purchased a pack and took it home.

I remember a “20/20” episode that talked about how the stinkier and dirtier something was, the more dogs liked it.  Ain’t that the truth?  I opened the packet and the worst smell I have ever purchased immediately filled my nostrils.   Are you kidding me?  That’s disgusting!  But not to PJ.  She danced around and wolved down that pocket like it was some fine dining experience.  She looked to me like I'm the next "Iron Chef".  But I closed that bag as fast as I could. Now that I know what to expect each morning, I hold my breath as I open the bag and wash my hands as soon as I’m done.  That stuff permeates the air and penetrates my skin. 

Another of PJ’s revolting upkeep is her unmentionable toilet habits.  Gary Larson, of  “Far Side” fame had a cartoon that showed aliens watching a man pick up his dog’s excrement and they figured that the dog was the higher life form.  I tend to agree.  I take PJ out each morning and evening to relieve herself.  I carry a little freezer bag with me and scoop up her doo doo and take it back to the can I keep for storage it until I can get to the dump.  She is very particular about where she goes, I guess it must smell properly disgusting, but when the spot is right, there she goes.  I wonder what the Martians watching me must think.

Ever since I brought PJ home when she was three months old, she has a habit that is literally sickening.  About once a month, she throws up.  Now, I don’t feed her table scraps, only the finest dog food will do.  But she has done this ever since I got her.  One time, a friend was visiting and PJ deposited her lunch in front of my  friend’s feet.  My friend tried to keep from heaving as I ran for the dustpan.  Luckily, I only had to clean up after PJ and not my friend, too.

Yes, my dear dog PJ is one in a million.  She is good with the grandkids, putting up with their pulling her tail and running after her.  She has never offered to bite these rascals and seems to enjoy their company.  I will miss her when her time comes because she is an integral part of our family.   I may even miss the repugnant duties that are part of her upkeep.