When I was writing my cause essay, I felt a certain amount of reticence. I felt that by exposing some of my family foibles, I was showing a certain disloyalty to my family. Then, I thought, what the heck, it is as it is (or it was what it was). These were the reasons I moved home; because my mother promised we could stay as long as it took to get established and because my brother-in-law was sure he could get my husband a job. I thought off and on about writing about this subject, mostly because I hoped writing about it would be therapeutic. I think a lot about the situation whenever the weather is cold and I know if we had moved to a warmer climate, my husband could be more active. I think a lot about our decision when my husband is in pain due to the low pressure systems that are so frequent in Maine. And I think about it when I my mother makes specious promises that I know she can't keep.
Has writing this essay been therapeutic? I don't know. I still have moments of what if. But my children point out the bright side; my oldest daughter would not have met and married her husband; my oldest son might not have gone into the Air Force and moved to Montana and met his new bride. When I sit in the darkness and wonder what might have been and my fault in the decision, I remember what my kids have said and I feel a little better.
Interesting that this reaction piece laying out so many effects of the decision (and you do write effect essays later) is so much clearer and stronger a piece than the essay you are writing about.
ReplyDeleteTherapeutic writing can be very powerful or it can explode in your face--neither of those are likely to happen with a topic like peanut butter, so you spin the wheel, take a risk, hope your number comes up!